Eager and apprehensive
I stop as I run
taking my eyes from the ribbon
from the race I am running
Over my shoulder
glance my eyes
They look on you
, my flaws
and my heart sings,
You have not won!
My portals peep
over my clavecal
to the four little heads
almost my height
I wish to grab a hold
to shrink you
place you in my pocket
carry you on my journey
It is not to be
My journey is for me
No growth will come
should you tag along .
My path before
I must tread alone
to come back stronger
,a conqueror of my fears,
A leader to my off shoots.
The pages of the year turn
a little too fast
I am eager and apprehensive
To be whom My God determined me to be.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Totally AWESOME DUDE
Today was magnificant. We went to the Gateway area Ms MudRun. Got totally dirty. 6.2 miles of running and muddy obsticals. It was so much fun and it was for such a great cause.
I have to say my fave parts were the rope wall climb. the 25 foot wall climb and the obsticals at the pond. We had to go through the storm drain under the street and then run 1/4 a mile to the pond where we had to jump in and go under a log and then swim to the other side and run to the next obsticle was to run across a bridge that was a bunch of wabbly wipe out type squares that were all wet. A and I jumped off at the end to just to get a refreshing swim.
I didn't not think it would be a bad idea to wear camo bdu's and combat boots. It was. Next year I'll wear spandex pants and tennis shoes. Every time we had to get wet, my pants would slosh and my shoes would squish. One of the team mates was calling me squishy. It was awesome tho.
At the end we had to jump off a plat form that was ten feet up into a pit that was 6 feet deep. That was the most mentally challenging for me as I HATE heights. then we had to swim through 25 yards of muddy water, climb a muddy hill and slide down a muddy slide into a muddy pit. It was so awesome. After that , we got hosed off by a fire truck and got free food and massages and a professional trainer stretched us out.
It was one of the most rewarding experieces of my life. We plan to do this every year. The best part for me was doing it with A. We worked as a team with our team members and the atmosphere was so encouraging and fun. How often do you get to randomly hug strangers and hear people cheer each other on?
It was awesome!
from front to back : Cindy, Ken, Me, Jared, Aaron. Team The Dutch Mudders!!!
I have to say my fave parts were the rope wall climb. the 25 foot wall climb and the obsticals at the pond. We had to go through the storm drain under the street and then run 1/4 a mile to the pond where we had to jump in and go under a log and then swim to the other side and run to the next obsticle was to run across a bridge that was a bunch of wabbly wipe out type squares that were all wet. A and I jumped off at the end to just to get a refreshing swim.
I didn't not think it would be a bad idea to wear camo bdu's and combat boots. It was. Next year I'll wear spandex pants and tennis shoes. Every time we had to get wet, my pants would slosh and my shoes would squish. One of the team mates was calling me squishy. It was awesome tho.
At the end we had to jump off a plat form that was ten feet up into a pit that was 6 feet deep. That was the most mentally challenging for me as I HATE heights. then we had to swim through 25 yards of muddy water, climb a muddy hill and slide down a muddy slide into a muddy pit. It was so awesome. After that , we got hosed off by a fire truck and got free food and massages and a professional trainer stretched us out.
It was one of the most rewarding experieces of my life. We plan to do this every year. The best part for me was doing it with A. We worked as a team with our team members and the atmosphere was so encouraging and fun. How often do you get to randomly hug strangers and hear people cheer each other on?
It was awesome!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
WOW life is throwing it at me
This has definitely been a week of total chaos and displacement. My mother went into the hospital on Monday for leg numbness. She has C.O.P.D. and has been dealing with lots of blockage in her leg. She had an angioplasty a couple of weeks ago and she had to have another one Monday. There was a lot of cellular waste build up and had to have a different surgery to put in a drainage tube to allow the waste to drain. She still may lose her leg.
To add to that worry, yesterday my father's roommate called me to let me know that he was taken to the e.r. for shortness of breath and trouble breathing. If you don't know my dad you wouldn't realize how big a deal this is as, he HATES going to the doctor. The doctors in the e.r. gave him a nebulizer treatment but that didn't help. He eventually stopped breathing. He is intibated and sedated.
When I called the ICU today they informed me that I am the point of contact and the one named as next of Kin to make decisions for my father's life. He will also be on the ventilator for at least 48 hours to see if his lungs will heal. I was also asked if Dad had any wishes with regards to resusitation. That was kind of hard to hear. I know Dad has always told me he doesn't want any extra ordinary measure taken to prolong his life because he believes that when it is his time to go, it is his time.
The doctor is going to be calling me sometime this evening or tomorrow to talk about all of this with me.
We know as adults that there will be a time when we are called upon to make these decisions for our parents but we never really expect it to happen. I really pray that God guides my brothers and sisters and I through these challenges with our parents. I pray that he gives us all peace and courage and strength to face them with honor and wisdom. I hope that we can see each one of these instances as a way to show how much our parents matter to us inspite of or despite all the trials and errors that we have gone through together.
I am very grateful that I was able to spend Thanksgiving with my father in 2009. I am more than deeply relieved that I made the decision to let go of all the animosity that was held up in my heart because now I can look back and see the good not just the bad.
I find the timing for both of my parents to take ill quite horrible as I leave in a month for basic training. I know that at least this is happening before I go. I know that I should expect, in the just incase instance, a phone call while I am gone giving me the dreaded news of the loss of one of my parents. I am just glad that I am able to prepare for that event should it happen and will be most relieved if I don't get that call for several more years. There are so many people that never get the chance to prepare because it is sudden or simply not soon enought to wrap their minds around what is happening.
To add to that worry, yesterday my father's roommate called me to let me know that he was taken to the e.r. for shortness of breath and trouble breathing. If you don't know my dad you wouldn't realize how big a deal this is as, he HATES going to the doctor. The doctors in the e.r. gave him a nebulizer treatment but that didn't help. He eventually stopped breathing. He is intibated and sedated.
When I called the ICU today they informed me that I am the point of contact and the one named as next of Kin to make decisions for my father's life. He will also be on the ventilator for at least 48 hours to see if his lungs will heal. I was also asked if Dad had any wishes with regards to resusitation. That was kind of hard to hear. I know Dad has always told me he doesn't want any extra ordinary measure taken to prolong his life because he believes that when it is his time to go, it is his time.
The doctor is going to be calling me sometime this evening or tomorrow to talk about all of this with me.
We know as adults that there will be a time when we are called upon to make these decisions for our parents but we never really expect it to happen. I really pray that God guides my brothers and sisters and I through these challenges with our parents. I pray that he gives us all peace and courage and strength to face them with honor and wisdom. I hope that we can see each one of these instances as a way to show how much our parents matter to us inspite of or despite all the trials and errors that we have gone through together.
I am very grateful that I was able to spend Thanksgiving with my father in 2009. I am more than deeply relieved that I made the decision to let go of all the animosity that was held up in my heart because now I can look back and see the good not just the bad.
I find the timing for both of my parents to take ill quite horrible as I leave in a month for basic training. I know that at least this is happening before I go. I know that I should expect, in the just incase instance, a phone call while I am gone giving me the dreaded news of the loss of one of my parents. I am just glad that I am able to prepare for that event should it happen and will be most relieved if I don't get that call for several more years. There are so many people that never get the chance to prepare because it is sudden or simply not soon enought to wrap their minds around what is happening.
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