i must be. because i keep doing things that I know will have a negative affect. Yet I do them anyway. Is it because I don't believe that those negative things will really happen or because I want those negative things to happen but just don't want to admit to it? I know that I need to change and I make efforts but then I erase those efforts by going back to doing what I KNEW would undo them or make them seem ingenuine. I need to change but am finding it more difficult than I ever believed. I don't want to be alone, at least I don't think I do, yet I am pushing the one person that wants to be there away. I seriously hope that going through boot camp and AIT and all that stuff is going to help.
I am really disliking how I can turn a good day into a bad one so easily. It's very annoying and it makes me hate myself.
Think this one through, Nikki. A bad situation is rarely changed by absence. Active Duty militarty life will bring about changes in you when you go away, leaving a relationship issue unresolved, it typically gets worse.. just saying have resolution before you go..i love you
ReplyDeleteCarol, You are right. We are trying to work on things and its just a day by day sort of thing. I am praying that God gives me the heart to change the things that need to be changed and the strength to continue to to seek his face and not be wise in my own eyes.
ReplyDeleteI realize that it isn't hate for myself its just frustration at still making the same mistakes.
God wants to bring us through this! I know that and I take hope in that.
I love you too