Been thinking about my grand mothers and my aunt lately as well as my best friends mama. These women all made a huge impact on my life. I learned something from each one of them and feel as though I lost them all way before I should have.
J.B. definitely feels this way about Ms. Hope. She was a great mother and just the same to all of her adopted kids too.
I miss the things we used to do and talk about. I always thought these women would be in my life forever, that they would be there to coach me through the rough days in my life with my kids, but they aren't and it makes me sad.
If only for one moment I could hug them all again and let them know how much they mean to me and how tightly I hold them dear to my heart.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
been a minute or an hour
The realization that life is a roller coaster and I cannot allow the bad to out weigh the good.
I am soo looking forward to the future. I have 48 days until I start the journey of soldier. It is so awesome. I went to my first Reserve Drill week end. We got to take down a moble hospital tent called a temper tent.
Things are getting better at home.
God is taking control of my life and I am grateful that I have a God that loves me and forgives me and knew all the things I was and am going to do before I ever was even a thought in the world of humanity.
I am soo looking forward to the future. I have 48 days until I start the journey of soldier. It is so awesome. I went to my first Reserve Drill week end. We got to take down a moble hospital tent called a temper tent.
Things are getting better at home.
God is taking control of my life and I am grateful that I have a God that loves me and forgives me and knew all the things I was and am going to do before I ever was even a thought in the world of humanity.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
sigh
Had a much better evening than the afternoon. I took a moment or 20 to go and be by myself and let the Lord take my negative thoughts. Then the family went out to play. The weather was nice.
We played catch with the footballs and a couple really nice young boys that live a few doors down. After having played catch we had our family soccer game. It was the best effort the entire family put in. I feel so much more positive than I did about 3 and half hours ago.
I have to remember, I am a work in progress and there will be moments when, I simply am not where I need to be but I am working to get there. God is working on my heart and he is the healing physician that I need.
Just as he helped the lepers he will help me. He healed those that had faith enough to simply touch his robes with out ever having spoken to him. I may have half the faith of a mustard seed but the more I trust him , the more magic he can do.
Today is a new day and now is a new moment all so that I can do better than I have done.
We played catch with the footballs and a couple really nice young boys that live a few doors down. After having played catch we had our family soccer game. It was the best effort the entire family put in. I feel so much more positive than I did about 3 and half hours ago.
I have to remember, I am a work in progress and there will be moments when, I simply am not where I need to be but I am working to get there. God is working on my heart and he is the healing physician that I need.
Just as he helped the lepers he will help me. He healed those that had faith enough to simply touch his robes with out ever having spoken to him. I may have half the faith of a mustard seed but the more I trust him , the more magic he can do.
Today is a new day and now is a new moment all so that I can do better than I have done.
ug
there is this swelling pit of frustration and anger and jealousy that I cannot shake. I feel as though I am being eaten alive. I wish God would create an intervention of my thought and emotion and totally take them over. I want to cry but don't want anyone to see me and yet I don't want to be alone. I am so utterly confused and lost.
I want to punch something! I want to run away and I want to be found and told how much I am loved and missed. I want to scream so loud and hard I can't ever tell another lie or ever speak again.
I want to punch something! I want to run away and I want to be found and told how much I am loved and missed. I want to scream so loud and hard I can't ever tell another lie or ever speak again.
Friday, April 1, 2011
The Truth in Romans
God lead me to read Romans today and I am already seeing examples of myself and what happened when I turned from loving God. It is pretty darn true. I am amazed at the wonders of God.
1:21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.
1:24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
1:29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
All with in the first 29 verses. WOW. I had been given over to a depraved mind. I started to hate God, I had no fidelity, I slandered a good name because of my own greed and had not love because I threw it away.
God says that If you have not love you haven't got anything. Think about that! He is saying love is everything! I threw away everything because of my own selfish desires of the flesh.
I pray that God continues to heal me and bring me back to him. I don't want to continue on the path of no return. God is merciful and MIGHTY. God saves. Please let me be worthy of saving.
1:21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.
1:24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
1:29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
All with in the first 29 verses. WOW. I had been given over to a depraved mind. I started to hate God, I had no fidelity, I slandered a good name because of my own greed and had not love because I threw it away.
God says that If you have not love you haven't got anything. Think about that! He is saying love is everything! I threw away everything because of my own selfish desires of the flesh.
I pray that God continues to heal me and bring me back to him. I don't want to continue on the path of no return. God is merciful and MIGHTY. God saves. Please let me be worthy of saving.
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