I am having some difficulties expressing myself outside of word. Being truly me. I come off as a fake and fraud. This pushes people I love away from me. Its a really lonely feeling.
I am a lost and lonely human
longing for the miracles of change
that I lack the courage
to grab hold of .
a leaf blowing on currents of wind
emotional and irrational
logic does not dwell in my being
longing for connections
deeper than the mask I present
I'm wishing I didn't continue to hurt the people I love with my insecurities. and I'm wishing that I didn't feel the need to sabotage when things are going well and that I could check my thoughts against reality with out having someone walk me through it. That I had better control over my emotions and fears, I wish I could not care what people thought of me so that I could allow people access to who I am. because the hiding of myself I tearing me apart and I'm losing my grip of self.
I'm probably going to misquote this...
ReplyDelete"Cast your cares [fears] upon the Lord, for He is your rock and anchor amidst the storms of life and personal tribulations"
It can be difficult to remember to turn to God when life gets crappy... but you can do it!