Yesterday was a bad day emotionally. I was self depreciating and had a hard time battling the inner self that I am NOT a failure and a waste of human flesh. I cried , mostly inwardly, but I cried. It didn't feel like a good relief giving cry. There still seems to be a lot of pent up stress and frustration and fear for the future.
I know in my heart that I am not a waste of a human being and though I may fail, that does NOT make me a failure. I just wish my head would get it together and get in tune with the heart. ( when I say heart I really mean my soul).
It seems that 2010 has been the year of the mantra of:
Jer 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you a hope and a future".
I repeat that to myself often to keep focus that MY plans really mean nothing in the grand scheme of life because I am here to serve a higher purpose. A purpose of a great and wonderful Abba. But I am human and completely imperfect and I allow doubt to creep in and tell me the bad horrible things that it tells me. I think this happens so that I will fall on my knees and look UP for help instead of looking in.
I just wish that God would grant me a reprieve from this inner battle for a while and help me see all the time that I am His precious being , Loved and unalone. That he carries me and holds me and that its all under his control.
I cannot tell you how this blog hits home for me. Seems to me that I have more of those kind of days than not. BUT like you told me... God is NOT gonna give up on me or you. I honestly think its okay to be mad, wonder why and ask questions. I know I did when my parents died at a young age, but God.. God has some mighty big shoulders and its okay for us to cry on them. If it wasn't, I would be a TOTAL mess by now. So shed a few tears but know that you ARE loved, that there are so many people out there for you, to comfort, give encouragement, whatever you need.
ReplyDeleteHave a blessed and wonderful day!!
Your friend in Georgia,
**Me** : )
you have a great part to play in the grand scheme of things ....
ReplyDeletethe word of God is there to comfort us and uplift us and as long as you keep leaning on it ...
you will be blessed
Have a great 2011
Hi n.lea.
ReplyDeletePlease be encouraged.
Did you read "BONUS IN PINK" on my blog, FREELY RECEIVED FREELY GIVEN"?
www.giftsfromglory.blogspot.com
Please consider, n.lea., reading that.
Thank you
**ME** You are so right he does have big shoulders. I forget that He WANTS me to cry on them when I need to.
ReplyDeleteLani I hope you are right on me being a part of the grand scheme of things. and I KNOW you are right about God's words comforting me and lifting me up.
Lioneagle Yes i have read it. I actually already had a copy of it and forgot about it until you directed me there previously.