the tests

There are many tests in daily life. Lately it feels as tho I am falling very far behind of where I should be.
I am reminded over and over what a small person I am, not only in though but actions. I have learned or reconfirmed that I just don't care about things. I pray that God will put that care and desire back into my heart or open my eyes and ears so that I can see it there.
I am struggling with being slow to speak and and quick to listen. Its a struggle I have had for a really long time. Can't say I have ever been good at it.
I have also realized that if faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain I am seriously lacking in that department.
There is an inpass in my life. I just don't know how to make the decision that needs to be made. I just wish someone else could make it for me. I know that that is fear talking and trying to take hold of my life. I need to allow for the grace that God has for me to just take root. Doing things my way doesn't work yet I keep doing them.
Why is it so easy to do what is wrong and so hard to do what is right? Like Paul said" I do the things I don't want to do and don't do the things I know I should" . Being wise in my own eyes is also something that is a deep struggle. There are so many things that need to be dealt with and some that are buried so deep that I don't even know how to open them up to the surface.


the clouds in my skies
grow darker
deeper than night
shutting out the sight
that keeps me
on your path.
The stars
that guide me
twinkly faintly
I know there is light
but I can't see it
nor does it's warm
seem into me.