Sunday, March 27, 2011
A letter to My Father
I know you are working something, but does it have to be so painful? I know I have oft turned from your face and that this is all just a wake up call to come home to you. I want to come home to you. but the devil is telling me that I am already lost, that I am worthless and unlovable and unforgivable. I struggle to tune him out and rely on what I know to be true. I need your intervention in my life. I need help in letting you take control of my life and carry me when I am weary. Right now, I am beyond weary. My way isn't working and I don't know how to let you take the wheel from me.
Friday, March 25, 2011
nothing like being smacked in the face that you are still a piece of crap. I hope that you can work a miracle and help me become honest and genuine.
Lord Help me to be humble. I wish that I could simply be genuinely who I am. How is it that I am unaware to who it is I am? I also just want to love myself so that I can stop punishing everyone that does love me because I don't love myself . I know you have plans for me. I know that through you anything is possible. Please Lord let me be worthy of a change and a chance to be better. Help me hate these things that hurt people so that I can put actions to my wants.
Lord Help me to be humble. I wish that I could simply be genuinely who I am. How is it that I am unaware to who it is I am? I also just want to love myself so that I can stop punishing everyone that does love me because I don't love myself . I know you have plans for me. I know that through you anything is possible. Please Lord let me be worthy of a change and a chance to be better. Help me hate these things that hurt people so that I can put actions to my wants.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
God Foods interesting read
EAT LOTS OF SWEET POTATOES
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Little LLama Princess
Ok maybe not princess but the Queen Drama Llama has struck again. Is it ok to be completely done with someone? I can't handle the insesant need to try to make everything about her. Granted I know that she is overly sensitive and wants the universe to swing around her.
The sun she is not and earth I am refusing to be. Too much weight to rest on my shoulders.
Granted I also realize I blog in the middle of the heat of the storm. But it's my blog and my thoughts my feeling and analyzations to what is going on inside of my body and mind.
The sun she is not and earth I am refusing to be. Too much weight to rest on my shoulders.
Granted I also realize I blog in the middle of the heat of the storm. But it's my blog and my thoughts my feeling and analyzations to what is going on inside of my body and mind.
Monday, March 7, 2011
God is so GOOD
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
I took wise counsel back in December and I listened to that wisdom. Last Thursday, I went back to the recruiters. Decided I would pick a job just so that I could get benefits for school. The Lord smiled on me. He made the job I wanted pop up with the specialty specifications. I accepted the job of Combat Medic with an emphasis on Health Care Specialist aka LPN! The job I was told there was not a way in HELL I was going to get. I told them from the very beginning God would make the job available to me! When my recruiter pulled up the jobs, his jaw dropped and he said "how did that come up". At this point, we didn't know it had the kicker for the LPN. So when he clicked on it to reserve it for me and saw that, He stated , "Some one must be looking out for you." My thought was "NO REALLY?!!? I instantly exclaimed," you are right GOD".
He really was looking down on me. He lifted me up and he heard my cries and he knows the dreams and desires of my heart. He rewarded me for knowing it would happen just not right when I wanted it. God provides! I am so grateful, so at peace and so excited to do the work the Lord has set before me.
I leave for BCT on June 7th! Please keep me in your prayers that the Lord wraps a shield of love and protection around my family while I am away from them.
In May I also get to participate in the Ms MUDRUN. This goes to help people that mean so much to me to be able to help friends of mine that are fighting this fight! Please keep them in your prayers as well.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
I took wise counsel back in December and I listened to that wisdom. Last Thursday, I went back to the recruiters. Decided I would pick a job just so that I could get benefits for school. The Lord smiled on me. He made the job I wanted pop up with the specialty specifications. I accepted the job of Combat Medic with an emphasis on Health Care Specialist aka LPN! The job I was told there was not a way in HELL I was going to get. I told them from the very beginning God would make the job available to me! When my recruiter pulled up the jobs, his jaw dropped and he said "how did that come up". At this point, we didn't know it had the kicker for the LPN. So when he clicked on it to reserve it for me and saw that, He stated , "Some one must be looking out for you." My thought was "NO REALLY?!!? I instantly exclaimed," you are right GOD".
He really was looking down on me. He lifted me up and he heard my cries and he knows the dreams and desires of my heart. He rewarded me for knowing it would happen just not right when I wanted it. God provides! I am so grateful, so at peace and so excited to do the work the Lord has set before me.
I leave for BCT on June 7th! Please keep me in your prayers that the Lord wraps a shield of love and protection around my family while I am away from them.
In May I also get to participate in the Ms MUDRUN. This goes to help people that mean so much to me to be able to help friends of mine that are fighting this fight! Please keep them in your prayers as well.
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Llama that brought you
Can surely take you back to whence you came, you silly drama bug.
Not sure what is up but I believe the Drama bug is trying to sneak up and bit me. Please pray that this goes away as I don't want the stress that I know it will bring.
Not sure what is up but I believe the Drama bug is trying to sneak up and bit me. Please pray that this goes away as I don't want the stress that I know it will bring.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I don't feel like I have much to say. I just haven't updated much lately. Honestly, I really don't even have words. I wonder if taking two english classes is taking the creativity from my brain and eating it.
Thinking that maybe I should take a creative writing class so I am forced to keep up with the creative vein of writing. Writing essays all the time is depleting and makes writing life feel boring.
Oh yeah. My friends J&M had their baby boy this past week. Makes me wish I hadn't gotten my tubes tied. OH WAIT. If I hadn't then I'd probably have 8 kids and not be in school right now. I love being in school. I love that all my kids can talk to me about what is going on with them emotionally and what their hopes and dreams for the future are. I simply miss the holding of babies and feeling completely needed.
Anyway. those are the things in my brain.
Have a blessed day.
Thinking that maybe I should take a creative writing class so I am forced to keep up with the creative vein of writing. Writing essays all the time is depleting and makes writing life feel boring.
Oh yeah. My friends J&M had their baby boy this past week. Makes me wish I hadn't gotten my tubes tied. OH WAIT. If I hadn't then I'd probably have 8 kids and not be in school right now. I love being in school. I love that all my kids can talk to me about what is going on with them emotionally and what their hopes and dreams for the future are. I simply miss the holding of babies and feeling completely needed.
Anyway. those are the things in my brain.
Have a blessed day.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I remember
I remember when
poetry found us,
Two souls
floating on the waves
of words inside
our lonesome heads.
It brought us together
where it bound us
in shared moments
of genuine
emotions raging
needs fast and racing.
13 years later
the poetry is forgotten
no sharing
of waves of words.
Loneliness riles
the seas inside us.
Fighting with ores
we try
we steer our canoes
reaching for
I remembers
to hold the binding
that poetry glued.
poetry found us,
Two souls
floating on the waves
of words inside
our lonesome heads.
It brought us together
where it bound us
in shared moments
of genuine
emotions raging
needs fast and racing.
13 years later
the poetry is forgotten
no sharing
of waves of words.
Loneliness riles
the seas inside us.
Fighting with ores
we try
we steer our canoes
reaching for
I remembers
to hold the binding
that poetry glued.
Father Time
Do you think maybe just maybe you can slow down just a tiny bit. My babies are growing up too fast. I am allowing the children to watch a movie today and I get up to grab the chord to my lap top and I look over and my nearly 13 year old is snuggled up on the couch with his baby sister. What a heart warming sight to see. My cup runneth over. I am so lucky that they all get along and love each other so much.
Don't get me twisted, they do have their squabbles and moments of sheer frustration with each other, but you can see they genuinely love each other. How many people can say they are so blessed to have kids that are so close together? We did something right, maybe it was having them so close together or maybe it was simply instilling in them that family is family and having brothers and sisters are like having built in best friends.
I am just grateful.
Don't get me twisted, they do have their squabbles and moments of sheer frustration with each other, but you can see they genuinely love each other. How many people can say they are so blessed to have kids that are so close together? We did something right, maybe it was having them so close together or maybe it was simply instilling in them that family is family and having brothers and sisters are like having built in best friends.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Feeling it
I ain't feeling it
you see
I ain't feeling it
walking around
with this chip
deep on my shoulder
I ain't feeling it
fill it in
take it off
don't leave me
hanging around with
the garbage your flinging
at the back of my head
I ain't feeling it
there's a mirror hanging
maybe, take a glance
is it your face your seeing?
There's a ghost
in your shadow casting
red filled glares
but I ain't feelin it
you are wasting your
efforts,your energies
are running away
from that bunny with his drum
It's not everlasting
Im headed for higher ground
to build my house
On a rock solid
not your sinking sand.
you see
I ain't feeling it
walking around
with this chip
deep on my shoulder
I ain't feeling it
fill it in
take it off
don't leave me
hanging around with
the garbage your flinging
at the back of my head
I ain't feeling it
there's a mirror hanging
maybe, take a glance
is it your face your seeing?
There's a ghost
in your shadow casting
red filled glares
but I ain't feelin it
you are wasting your
efforts,your energies
are running away
from that bunny with his drum
It's not everlasting
Im headed for higher ground
to build my house
On a rock solid
not your sinking sand.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
MS MUD RUN
Hey all, I am participating in the Multiple Sclerosis Mud run on May 7th. I have to raise $100.00 to participate. If anyone so kindly wishes to help me help others it would be so appreciated.
Here is a link so you can help me out.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=16860&team_id=236748
Not only does money go to help find a cure but it also goes to help get the meds to those who cannot afford them.
Here is a link so you can help me out.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=16860&team_id=236748
Not only does money go to help find a cure but it also goes to help get the meds to those who cannot afford them.
wondering on rambling road
So I have noticed that I see a lot of things on my daily trek to the learning establishment. One the amount of trash that litters the ground. Two, I wish I had a camera to capture all the things that affect my emotions by their sight. Three, I often start thinking of awesome things to write but as I reach into my bag for the needed utensils, the thoughts and words flee from me as though writing them down would polute them like the scenery near my higher education facilities.
I wonder what would happen if I simply started picking up the trash off the ground in this sad and lonely neighbor hood. Would the folks be offended to see this white girl doing it? I know that sounds racist and it isn't my thoughts to come across that way, but I hear from others around me that the goodie goodie white folks always trying to help the poorer folks come off as ... what is the wording I am looking for? Only doing it for the looks not because it needs to be done. Personally, I hate looking at trash and clutter and I absolutely hate, HATE litter. I have always picked stuff up off the ground and placed it in the trash bin. Why can't every one else just do this too?
I wonder what would happen if I simply started picking up the trash off the ground in this sad and lonely neighbor hood. Would the folks be offended to see this white girl doing it? I know that sounds racist and it isn't my thoughts to come across that way, but I hear from others around me that the goodie goodie white folks always trying to help the poorer folks come off as ... what is the wording I am looking for? Only doing it for the looks not because it needs to be done. Personally, I hate looking at trash and clutter and I absolutely hate, HATE litter. I have always picked stuff up off the ground and placed it in the trash bin. Why can't every one else just do this too?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
doctors
So I finally went to the doctors on Friday. I was right, it was Bronchitis. One Zpack later and I feel so much better.
Why did I wait so long to go? OH YEAH it was at Connect Care. It wasn't this bad this time. The doctor was really nice and actually listened to me.
Oh and AWESOME NEWS.
STRAIGHT A's BABY.
Why did I wait so long to go? OH YEAH it was at Connect Care. It wasn't this bad this time. The doctor was really nice and actually listened to me.
Oh and AWESOME NEWS.
STRAIGHT A's BABY.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Ug with a big cough
im not using correct capitalization today. i don't care what anyone says.
i don't feel well. haven't for the last week . my chest hurts and my abs hurt from all the coughing. i was coughing so hard i almost threw up. gross. i was on the city bus no less. i thought for sure i was scaring the other folks on the bus. coughin so much and so hard i had tears streaming down my face and the face was bright fiery red.
i just want to feel better and i don't want to have to go to the doctor to feel that way. mostly cause i have to go the the clinic. i don't like going to the clinic, it doesn't feel safe there and smells of urine and liquor.
i am whiny and tired and achy and want to sleep for a decade not waking until all that ails me is gone. snuggled under the covers, head buried in my pillows and smothered in sweats and layers of t shirts. wouldn't hurt to have a cup of hot tea to go along with all that and my mama rubbing my back like i was 5.
i don't feel well. haven't for the last week . my chest hurts and my abs hurt from all the coughing. i was coughing so hard i almost threw up. gross. i was on the city bus no less. i thought for sure i was scaring the other folks on the bus. coughin so much and so hard i had tears streaming down my face and the face was bright fiery red.
i just want to feel better and i don't want to have to go to the doctor to feel that way. mostly cause i have to go the the clinic. i don't like going to the clinic, it doesn't feel safe there and smells of urine and liquor.
i am whiny and tired and achy and want to sleep for a decade not waking until all that ails me is gone. snuggled under the covers, head buried in my pillows and smothered in sweats and layers of t shirts. wouldn't hurt to have a cup of hot tea to go along with all that and my mama rubbing my back like i was 5.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
attack of the chest gunkies
Stupid weather ( at least that is whom/ what I am blaming) for making me sick. Started Tuesday evening with a weird cough. By Friday, I was laid up on the couch running fevers with chills and coughing my lungs out. I don't think I got up from the couch Friday except to go to the bathroom and make dinner for the family. Yesterday I felt better. Was able to go to an eye appointment and order my new glasses and contacts. By evening however, I was coughing up sticky greenish yellow crap. I sounds like a seal barking. My mama thinks I should go to the doctor because her hypocondriac self says I may have walking pneumonia. I personally think it;s just a bad cold. I am definitely getting a great ab work out from all the coughing.
I will be glad when I feel 100%. I think that I needed the rest though. I think God allows us to be ill so that we remember we have to take time to rest. I am grateful for that reminder. I hope to do better about resting instead of being full steam all the time. Now if only I could be back to feeling normal with no invisible elephants sitting on my chest.
I will be glad when I feel 100%. I think that I needed the rest though. I think God allows us to be ill so that we remember we have to take time to rest. I am grateful for that reminder. I hope to do better about resting instead of being full steam all the time. Now if only I could be back to feeling normal with no invisible elephants sitting on my chest.
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