paper journals and the long Haul

The other day I was going through a few more boxes and came across an old paper journal ( a few of them actually).  I ripped quite a lot of things out of the one I speak of.  It felt cathartic to rid myself of that old rubbish.  I refuse however to remove any of my poetry. 

If you ever want to know anything about what I am going through at any point in my life, simply cast thine eyes upon the words that spill to the pages of trees that I bleed ink into.   Poetry, writing and words give me a lot of relief of any pain that I have experienced in my life. I express joy and love even lust.  Its how I deal with emotions and situations.   

Anyway I stray from my point of my post.  I found a poem that I had written based on a comment  of somewhat degrading sentiments of women.  I wish I could remember the comment that triggered my poem.  but I decided to post it and see if others may have some suggestions to make it better or more clear.


Fairy Tales and White Lies

If you don't believe
than why should I
there are no happy
 endings
Its all fairy tales
and white lies
Hurt to the bone
contusions
deep upon my soul.
Its an open ended
Illusion
meant to keep
all my gruesome
disillusions
what were we thinking
Happy Ever After
never existed
Fairytales
and white lies.
A little girl's
Dreams
Woman Realities
there is no joy
just the burdens on
my chest.
You don't believe
why should I
Happy endings
don't exist
No knights in shinning armour
No rescues in store
Don't get your hopes up
Keep them down
grounded,
grounded
'cuz the
grass aint any
greener
Just a darker shade
of brown
on the other side.
~~~~

Just so it is known,  I don't feel this way anymore. I was putting myself in the shoes of others who may really believe this.  Don't get me wrong, there are definitely times when I want to believe there aren't any happy endings.